A discussion of wives came up on the YCCC reflector early this year - it was
right around Valentine's Day. Here's the post I made back then . . .
********** START WIFE STRATEGY FOR CONTESTERS **********
Ok, Friends. The Doctor is IN. We need to talk about this whole Wife thing.
You have a Station Strategy. You have an Operating Strategy. To be an effective
contester, you must also have a Wife Strategy.
A Wife is the most important person in a contester's life. She has complete
control over the contester's ability to be competitive. She actually has
control of both of your critical resources - Money and Time. You know that and
She knows that.
So, if you expect to do well you must be treated well by your Wife. How do you
accomplish that? You must go out of your way to make sure your Wife is Happy.
All good things flow from having a Happy Wife. To make a Happy Wife, you need
to understand how a Wife works. A Wife has a limited set of basic needs:
- Evidence of above
There are a few other facts about a Wife that you need to know.
- A Wife is very conscious of Her Feelings. She knows when She is Happy and
when she is Sad.
- Only Her Feelings matter. It doesn't matter what she thinks about you, your
buddies or contesting.
- She needs to share Her Feelings with everyone in Her environment. If She is
Happy, everyone else must be Happy. Same for Sad.
- A Wife's Feelings have a half-life of 6-12 hours. [Under certain conditions
this can be as low as 20 minutes.]
- As the Feelings diminish, external stimulus can regenerate them.
- Larger amounts of stimulus can generate higher levels of Feelings [let's
remain focused on Happy Feelings here]. But, remember that the half-life is
- The transition from Happy to Sad is not smooth. Each Wife has a unique
Feelings Transition Point [FTP]. You will need to perform experiments to
determine this point for your specific Wife.
Next concepts to understand:
- Secure + Loved = Happy [Happy includes Relaxed, Self-Sufficient, Trusting,
- Insecure + Not Loved = Sad [Sad includes Stressed, Needy, Suspicious,
You provide Her with Security and Love. No doubt about that. But, does the way
you do it match the particular needs of your specific Wife? Have you pushed Her
Feelings level high enough so that you can get through a contest before She has
to face Her FTP?
Practical Techniques - Security
- Overtly state that you are there for your Wife and Kids
- Make and keep family commitments
- Assure your Wife that you will spend time with Her at a specific date and
- Demonstrate your commitment to Her security - fix something in the house,
Practical Techniques - Love
- Overtly declare your love for your Wife [ok if done privately with Her;
creates even higher level of Happy Feelings if done in front of others]
- Romantic gifts are effective - flowers, cards, photographs, jewelry. Note
that item cost does not have a dramatic impact.
- S*x - [Be careful with this one during the contest, particularly in multi's]
Practical Techniques - Timing and Frequency
- Bear in mind that effects of simultaneous actions do not tend to be
- Sequential actions tend to be cummulative.
- Spread it out.
- Ramp up in the week prior to the contest.
- A major push on Thursday night is usually a good tactic, followed by actions
timed at 3-4 hour intervals right up to the start of the contest.
- Set and meet expectations in the days following the contest.
Advanced Tip #1
- Anticipate the possiblity that FTP may still occur during the contest
period. What can you do?
- Take action during the contest. Invest in a momentary Security or Love Boost
during a low-rate hour.
- This investment can be very powerful. She knows you prefer to be in front of
the radio. When you come upstairs for as little as one minute just to say you
Love Her, Her Happy Feelings level will soar [temporarily]. But you have
potentially fended off a major onslaught, just by helping Her stay comfortably
Advanced Tip #2
- Understand that regularity is not always the best state of affairs.
- A temporary absence may help reinforce the value of your presence.
- Occassional smaller gifts may help reinforce the value of your presents.
- Be careful. Always try to stay above FTP; experiment with this concept
Advanced Tips #3A and #3B
- Remember that the Kids are simply an extension of the Wife.
- A - Focus on the Wife and She will take care of the Kids.
- B - Focusing on the Kids directly impacts Wife Happy levels. A good
Advanced Tip #4
- Surprise Her sometimes
- Planned and expected actions that make Her feel Secure and Loved are great,
but the same actions done spontaneously or unexpectedly have higher impact.
- For several weeks, She has been asking you to repair the leaky kitchen
faucet. You have choices: a) next time She asks, you say ok and do it, b) when
She is out, you take three hours to fix it and She is pleasantly surprised when
She discovers what you've done, or c) when She is out, you have a plumber fix
it while you build a new amplifier, and when She discovers the repair She is
pleasantly surprised AND She compliments you on the superb quality of your
- Your Wife is critical to your contesting efforts
- Adopt a Wife Strategy
- Understand the interplay of Security and Love with Happy and Sad
- Be aware of your Wife's FTP
- Apply a variety of techniques
- Keep it up year-round
- Submit better contest scores
- Apply beyond contesting
********** END WIFE STRATEGY FOR CONTESTERS **********
Jim Idelson K1IR
email k1ir at designet.com
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