[Top] [All Lists]

[TowerTalk] And you thought Concord, CA, was tough . . .

To: <>
Subject: [TowerTalk] And you thought Concord, CA, was tough . . .
From: (Healy, Rus)
Date: Thu, 5 Jun 1997 11:36:43 -0400
Sorry, gang, but I cannot resist . . .

--73, Rus, NJ2L

>And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make
>it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil
>people are destroyed.  But I want to save a few good people, and two of
>every kind of living thing on the planet.  I am ordering you to build
>Me an Ark."
>And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark.
>"Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
>"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better
>have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
>And six months passed.  The skies began to cloud up and rain began to
>The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And
>there was no Ark.  "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?"  A
>lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
>"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were
>big problems.  First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
>construction project, and your plans didn't meet code.  So I had to
>hire an engineer to redraw the plans.  Then I got into a big fight over
>whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.  My neighbors
>objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my
>front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning
>Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there
>was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl.  I had to convince
>U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls.  But
>they wouldn't let me catch any owls.  So no owls. Then the carpenters
>formed a union and went out on strike.   I had to negotiate a
>settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would
>pick up a saw or a hammer.
>Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.
>Then I started  gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights
>group.  They objected to me taking only two of each kind.  Just when I
>got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the
>Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
>flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
>jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.  Then the Army Corps
>of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain.
>I sent them a globe.  Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
>from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many
>Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets
>claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I
>just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax.  I
>really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five
>years," Noah wailed.
>The sky began to clear.  The sun began to shine.  A rainbow arched
>across the sky.  Noah looked up and smiled.  "You mean you're not going
>to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully. 
>"No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has."


Now, can't you just see Dilbert as Noah and his pointy-haired boss as
the EPA guy, or the head of the local Planning and Zoning Commission?

FAQ on WWW:     
Administrative requests:

<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>
  • [TowerTalk] And you thought Concord, CA, was tough . . ., Healy, Rus <=