Hmmm.... Is this a valid subject for TT? It's non-technical, but it
certainly has a lot to do with the feasibility of building towers! It's kind
of like all those zoning ordinance posts that get referred to the Legal
reflector. Guess we don't have a Marriage reflector.
My take on this subject is a little different. My first XYL was very
supportive of my hobby and encouraged me to do whatever I wanted in the way
of towers, antennas, equipment, etc. (in fact, the house belonged to her,
acquired before we met.) She was very interested in technical matters and
even learned CW. She never complained about the time or money I put into ham
radio over a 12 year period. I spent many a night chasing DX in my shack,
isolated from the world with a pair of headphones, while the XYL watched TV
and sewed in the next room. Unfortunately, we spent less and less time
together and grew further and further apart. We each had our own hobbies and
interests, and were often like two ships that pass in the night, living
separate lives under the same roof. That relationship failed (there were
other factors, but isolation was key.)
My current XYL of five+ years couldn't be more different. She doesn't
understand or care about technical things. She's very supportive of me as a
person, but feels that sometimes I use my hobbies and business interests to
isolate myself from the rest of the world, including my family. In my case
(not necessarily anyone else's) she happens to be right. When she gave me
flack about putting up a tower, and lobbied for the very expensive and
sub-optimal tubular crankup hidden behind some trees, I think she was less
concerned about aesthetics than the potential the tower would have for
increasing the time I spent on ham radio at the expense of time spent with
her and our 2-year old daughter. Yeah, the kind of tower and the time spent
aren't really related, but she doesn't understand that. She was really
rebelling against the increase in time spent on ham radio. I don't interpret
this as jealousy of my hobby or an overly needy personality. She simply
feels that families need to spend plenty of time together. Can't argue with
that!
Fortunately, I was able to demonstrate that having a TH7 up 72 feet means I
spend considerably less time in rare-DX pileups than I did with the old
multiband vertical. Besides, the tower has made me happier and she's
realized that. But she's still right that I have to avoid getting sucked in
too deeply and ignoring my family.
Besides, the truth is that when a compromise isn't possible, I get my way
about a lot of things in this marriage. I could have had a 100-foot guyed
tower if I'd really wanted one. Last year, when I said that the XYL insisted
on the tubular for aesthetic reasons, I may have neglected to say that I
cared about that, too. We have a priceless view of the Connecticut River
Valley and a tower just doesn't belong in it (there -- I've admited it on
Tower Talk.) So, it's not all her fault.
73, Dick, WC1M
>I've been watching all the comments regarding antenna & tower
>installations that must pass the XYL's approval...I'm a bit confused...
>I've been married to the same wonderful lady for 22+ years now.. When I
>told her about 15 years ago, I wanted to install a tower.. she said go
>right ahead... She never gave me any grief... She knows how much the
>hobby means to me and that I can usually be found in the basement tuning
>around on a various radio... Not, out with the guy's bar hopping...I just
>can't get over these messages that the wife doesn't want the tower or
>antenna... Marriage is a 2 way street... I respect what my wife does and
>she does the same for me...In my house, we share everything... I won't do
>anything without talking it over first..
>
>I think it's very important that your XYL understand you love her more
>than the hobby.. I think most are very jealous.. This should not be... My
>wife knows she's number 1 with me.. When we vacation in Barbados (where
>I'm 8P9AP) she knows a radio will come along on the trip... No problem
>with her.... Maybe I can only speak for myself.. but I'm not a Bill
>Clinton...and my wife knows that....
>
>On my recent trip to vietnam (where I operated as 3W6WE) the trip was a
>50th birthday present... She knew how much it meant... Guy's. life is too
>short... and marriage is a two way street... I can't tell you what to
>do, but if your honest with her, she should be the same with you..... She
>has nothing to fear except maybe a higher utility bill.. Hi...
>
>73.. Steve/K2WE
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