[CQ-Contest] LOTW Sets New Speed Record

[Ward Silver]

FLASH!!!  THIS JUST IN!!!

The new electronic QSL data base, Logbook of The World, implemented by the
ARRL has set an all-time record for complaints about QSL return speed!  Hams
who have uploaded their logs are now able, due to the blazing speed of the
Internet, able to begin posting complaints, also due to the blazing speed of
the Internet, about the lack of return contact credits.  The fastest
complaint appears to have been generated in less than 24 hours!  Well done!
No word on whether this was an F-layer or tropospheric gripe.

In a sad note, this puts in jeopardy the traditional process for complaint
generation: QSL, Wait, Gripe.  To keep up with the accelerated flow of
information, some DX-ers are preparing pre-emptive gripes, removing "Wait"
from the process entirely.  It is reported that LoTW staff is looking into
the process of adding GoTW (Gripe of The World) whereby an eGripe can be
sent automatically to all DX and Contest Reflectors immediately on
acceptance of the contact credit request.  No word on whether the eGripe
will be free, the current cost, or if a small fee will be charged.  Volume
GoTW users will be offered discounts which they may be able to
parsimoniously dribble out over several years.  There may even be a trading
market established in unused GoTW credits - Internation Gripe Coupons or
IGCs.

This accelerated griping facility is just the latest step in a long series
of improvements to the griping process.  In early days gripes had to be
delivered in person at a club meeting or typed and mailed.  TYPED!  Oh, the
inhumanity!  Over the years, griping technology has improved dramatically
from on-the-air transmissions, to packet BBS, to individual emails, and
finally to today's state-of-the-art, reflector-based griping in which a
single gripe can today be transmitted worldwide in a matter of seconds.

What next for the Amateur Griper Extra-Class?  Of course, we are just seeing
the early days of pre-emptive griping, so it's a little hard to tell where
this might lead.  Anticipatory griping can't be far behind.  Applying
reverse-Bayesian statistics might also allow blanket spam gripes, or "gram".
Such gripes would be called "gram-grams."  It is undecided at this time what
the process for certifying whether such a gripe would "count," although
Gripe Control Stations (GCS) could be established to rule quickly, giving
gripers the coveted confirmation of, "That's a Good One!" No word on what
the gripe submission process to a GCS would consist of.

One might also consider the quantum mechanical implications of the "virtual
gripe", where no actual gripe need be transmitted, but would be considered
to be a latent component subunit of any QSL - the anti-QSL!  By studying the
high-temperature collisions of QSLs and anti-QSLs produced in flame wars,
DXologists hope to learn more about the underlying structure of both,
thought to be composed of "quirks". Theory predicts several varieties of
quirks; Big Gun, Little Pistol, Phone, CW, Strange, and Colorful.  DX QSL
managers have reported on these events for years, so there is an extensive
and documented historical record for scholars to consider.

Once again, congratulations to the amateur community for taking full
advantage of new technology to update the time-honored griping process!  Who
says that hams are behind the technological curve?

73, Ward N0AX