[CQ-Contest] The Chosen

K0HB k-zero-hb at earthlink.net
Sun Dec 18 23:26:04 EST 2005

The Wise Ones live in the depths of the D, E, and F-Layers, and in the
servers at contesting.com. They are the descendants of the Gods. I
personally subscribe to the theory they are the children of Thor Heyerdahl,
the Viking god of Thunder and Balsawood Raft Dxpeditions. But that's
another story. 

The Wise Ones criticize everything that happens on the air and on this
list, but they can't police every pileup, monitor every packet cluster, or
every reflector by themselves, so every morning, just before daylight over
Katmandu, the Wise Ones select the "Mostest Intellegentest Contester" in
their layer and convey upon him the title INFLICTOR OF HIGHER MORAL
HARANGUES. This title and its duties last until the following dawn on
Bouvet, if someone is there to observe the sunrise. Otherwise your duties
end when K1TTT gets tired of your crap, lists you on his questionable
spotter tirade, and sends his lawyers with a gag order. 

If you are ever chosen you will know because a representative of the Wise
Ones will anoint your temples with oil from a forty year old bottle of Dr.
Guano, collected on Ocean Island by VR1L in 1963. For that day you will be
known as The Chosen. Your duties will be to seek out those that don't do
things the way you do them (in other words, the right way.) When you find
them, it will be your duty to correct them. 

You get to use all the frequency cop tools and even invent your own...... 
Think about it...too wide, too weak, too slow, too fast, what's your call
dammit, wrong VFO, rotten fist, poor pileup control, wrong band, no packet
allowed, you timed out the repeater, wrong lingo, not enough green stamps,
you're in the DX window, no-coders not allowed, pig farmers suck, ....
They're all yours. 

When you find these wayward ones, you will lumber onto their frequency,
stand up in your operating chair and shout, I AM A BETTER CONTESTER THAN
YOU, SHUT UP AND LISTEN. You will now have the wayward one's undivided
attention. He will think about this very briefly, then yield to your
superior intellect and contesting skill. He will be very receptive to your
thoughts and point of view. 

Lecture him and proceed to the next wrong doer. 

Now for the sad part of this tale. There are pretenders and charlatans out
there who try to usurp the rightful powers of The Chosen. To you villainous
few, I say beware. The Wise Ones also created BAWA (Baddest Ass Whats
Around). No matter how bad you are, BAWA has the ability to be badder. You
will know when you start your lecture and Bawa yells back, "You're a jerk,
but I'm a bigger one. LET'S ESCALATE". 

And you will have no choice. 

But soon BAWA will tire of you and sink your little balsa boat. As you slip
under the rippling waves you will yell, "BUT I WAS RIGHT, DAMMIT" and you
will once again prove the ancient mariners axiom -- AN OPEN MOUTH TAKES ON

dit dit 

de Hans, K0HB
><{{{{*> http://www.home.earthlink.net/~k0hb 

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