[CQ-Contest] The Chosen

[MikeR]

ROTFL!
73, Mike NF4L

K0HB wrote:

>The Wise Ones live in the depths of the D, E, and F-Layers, and in the
>servers at contesting.com. They are the descendants of the Gods. I
>personally subscribe to the theory they are the children of Thor Heyerdahl,
>the Viking god of Thunder and Balsawood Raft Dxpeditions. But that's
>another story. 
>
>The Wise Ones criticize everything that happens on the air and on this
>list, but they can't police every pileup, monitor every packet cluster, or
>every reflector by themselves, so every morning, just before daylight over
>Katmandu, the Wise Ones select the "Mostest Intellegentest Contester" in
>their layer and convey upon him the title INFLICTOR OF HIGHER MORAL
>HARANGUES. This title and its duties last until the following dawn on
>Bouvet, if someone is there to observe the sunrise. Otherwise your duties
>end when K1TTT gets tired of your crap, lists you on his questionable
>spotter tirade, and sends his lawyers with a gag order. 
>
>If you are ever chosen you will know because a representative of the Wise
>Ones will anoint your temples with oil from a forty year old bottle of Dr.
>Guano, collected on Ocean Island by VR1L in 1963. For that day you will be
>known as The Chosen. Your duties will be to seek out those that don't do
>things the way you do them (in other words, the right way.) When you find
>them, it will be your duty to correct them. 
>
>You get to use all the frequency cop tools and even invent your own...... 
>Think about it...too wide, too weak, too slow, too fast, what's your call
>dammit, wrong VFO, rotten fist, poor pileup control, wrong band, no packet
>allowed, you timed out the repeater, wrong lingo, not enough green stamps,
>you're in the DX window, no-coders not allowed, pig farmers suck, ....
>They're all yours. 
>
>When you find these wayward ones, you will lumber onto their frequency,
>stand up in your operating chair and shout, I AM A BETTER CONTESTER THAN
>YOU, SHUT UP AND LISTEN. You will now have the wayward one's undivided
>attention. He will think about this very briefly, then yield to your
>superior intellect and contesting skill. He will be very receptive to your
>thoughts and point of view. 
>
>Lecture him and proceed to the next wrong doer. 
>
>Now for the sad part of this tale. There are pretenders and charlatans out
>there who try to usurp the rightful powers of The Chosen. To you villainous
>few, I say beware. The Wise Ones also created BAWA (Baddest Ass Whats
>Around). No matter how bad you are, BAWA has the ability to be badder. You
>will know when you start your lecture and Bawa yells back, "You're a jerk,
>but I'm a bigger one. LET'S ESCALATE". 
>
>And you will have no choice. 
>
>But soon BAWA will tire of you and sink your little balsa boat. As you slip
>under the rippling waves you will yell, "BUT I WAS RIGHT, DAMMIT" and you
>will once again prove the ancient mariners axiom -- AN OPEN MOUTH TAKES ON
>WATER. 
>
>dit dit 
>
>de Hans, K0HB
>--
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>><{{{{*> http://www.home.earthlink.net/~k0hb 
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