Hardy Landskov <n7rt@flash.net> was pleasant enough to send me this email:
>>If you use remarks from the peanut gallery, you can send me a t-shirt or a
>>signed "gimme cap" to my callbook address in exchange for all rights, etc.
>>
>Go back to 11 mtrs. You obviously aren't a real ham
I am also a big stupid jerk on the internet. That's why I've re-posted
your email reply to the list where your remark originated.
People who resist or reject the free and fair exchange of information are
pathetic and pitiable, but I ran out of pity last Thursday. You'll have to
take a rain check, and your pity check from me will arrive next week with a
dollar postage due.
I left 11 meters some 15 years ago because it was populated by so many
two-brainer guys just like you. Two brains, ya know, one puny brain under
your gimme cap, and a bigger brain where the safe-sex males usually wear
their condoms.
Tell me the freeband call you use on 65 upper and I'll be happy to engage
in an on-air name calling contest with you.
You'll lose.
They call me Black Sabbath.
My good friends call me Unit 992. If they're not my good friends, they
call me the best they can think up at the moment but only when I let them
talk.
That's not often.
The best of the best -- lose. The ones with a hundred kilowatts -- I make
sure they file bankruptcy to settle their electric bill, but they still
lose, sooner or later, usually sooner.
Many men better than you who have tried to call me dirty names on 11 meters
have died from hernias, electrocution, or radiation burns to the brain.
Mostly, they were stupid enough to think that if Black Sabbath could have a
50 kilowatt radio in his bedroom, they could too. I guess they were
distracted by the pin-up pictures of my luscious girlfriends lit up by the
filament lights.
I'm an old-timer, and Bettie Page has personally "kissed" a matched set of
four 813s for me. Yes, I have a picture of the "kiss" and it's hanging in
the shack, but you'll never see it. You're not man enough to see it.
I also have many barbecue recipes from the widows of many SK 11 meter
operators. Some of these ladies, but not all, expressed their thanks that
I caused their asshole late husbands to electrocute or incinerate
themselves, or to fall from a tower and die a lingering death from their
injuries. Usually the "thank you" note starts with "I received the
insurance check today and ..."
In a few isolated instances I have met with these distracted widows and
offered what little consolation I could. Generally we had a fabulous
one-night stand. Sometimes we latched on for a long weekend, and once I
actually got fired from my job for consoling a bereaved widow for five days
straight in a motel in Rolla, MO.
A few of these widow ladies have mailed me a thank-you note with a VERY
generous cash tip. A few others have mailed me a note saying something
like "I wasted half my life that loser, thank you for teaching me what a
climax was." But I never got a cash tip that included a "what an asshole
he was" note. But that's OK by me. I am happy to share my friendship
where I can.
One widow actually shipped herself to me. She arrived on a Friday and I
wasn't home to refuse the shipment so I couldn't return her until Monday.
It was really, really hard to cajole her to hop back in the box. If she'd
been skinnier than your fat-ass old lady I never could have got her to
leave, because she was really really nice to me. Really nice. Alice --
luv ya, cum see me, the pump-house ain't the same without you, I WILL pay
shipping this time!
Your wife was really hot with me too, for that matter, but I just can't
hang with that sound she makes with her nose when she has one of her
trademark huge orgasms. You know about that sound, right?
I know she was diggin' it. Totally hot but just not exactly my scene.
Plus, she put snot all over my classic Navajo TRC-57 and Varmint 500 11
meter station. The worst part wasn't the boogers, it was that we were
keyed down on 22A AM with the D-104 locked, at about 200 watts 120% pos
mod, 30% neg with the snot sound. You may not know this, but her
vocalizations of her big orgasm takes about three mninues start to finish.
When I finally unkeyed, there was an S9 +60 pile-up for 10 minutes of
applause and "encore" calls. I love your wife to death (well, certain
parts of her BESIDES her sinuses) so I just can't say rotten crap about
her, at least not on the air. She now has more radio friends than Rush
Limbaugh, even if she does blow out snot like a pig. Oink-a-mundo, man to
man. You KNOW what I mean.
Hardy, I have to admit that after about ten minutes of sex I always get
pretty much lost in the event, so your wife might have snotted on me some
more but by then we were into other positions where her boogers would have
gone in another direction. Of course, since you've never boinked her for
more than two minutes at a time in your life, you'd never understand.
She always did the bigtime nose noise thing the first few times we boinked,
every time, the first two times she climaxed. But after two orgasms she
stopped the snot noise, or at least pulled back to heavy mouth-breathing
sighs. The way she tenses up inside at the exact crest of her climax is
always the same, always intense, always fabulous. You know this, right?
Just thinking about it is a lot more exciting than any DX I've ever worked.
I've never known another woman with that delightful a little squeeze, and
I've known my fair share. She's a sweetie. Her charms are wasted on a
mullet like you, IMHO. But - lose the nose noise, darling.
I always feel a little uncomfortable when I have sex with another man's
wife. Before I start the wild thing with another man's lady, I always tell
her about my concerns and I express my desire that their spouse should know
about their infidelity, even if it's only after the fact.
If they're radio YLs, most of the time they say something like "that
no-account SOB has been cheating on me since the wedding day so it's
payback time." Or else when I take off my shirt they just latch onto my
cute fluffy chest hair, whisper "OMG," and punch into their ticket to
heaven.
Just to put this into a fair perspective, it was the weekend your wife said
she was visiting her sister in Iowa, when she had to stay an extra day.
Did she tell you when she got home that she hooked up with a small-cocked
sex dwarf who boinked her brains out all weekend, including a non-stop
love-a-thon for 16 hours? She promised me she would tell you. She was
very sweet and sincere-sounding about this.
Her sincerity and enthusiasm helped me overlook her nose noise and how much
she farted while we had sex, and how unpleasant it smelled. Please don't
mention this to her, OK? Except for that, she was the perfect lady. I
mean, 16 hours in the saddle and she showed me a few tricks I'd not seen
before. Like that wild thing where she was hanging off the top of the
bathroom door by her arms and bouncing her bottom into my front -- simple
and way fun but something I'd never thought of. Hard to hold onto but
fabulous to try. I was impressed. I can get some earplugs. I might even
get noseplugs.
We finished that little door scene in the empty bathtub, her on top, and
catty little minx that your wife is, she made sure my face was right
underneath the bathtub nozzle when I finished -- and she turned on the cold
water right then.
I KNOW she didn't learn that trick from you.
Jim
PS -- Hardy, your lady REALLY digs the "pearl necklace" thing and as a
friend I suggest you get into this. It won't save your pathetic wasted
marriage but it'll definitely add a lot of spice and you two might part on
better terms. Plus, her snot-blowing thang was totally hot as the beads
came out slowly and one at a time. Hopefully you'll get enough of a clue
about ladies' sexuality that you might SOMEDAY get a date after your lady
un-asses you in your pending divorce.
PPS -- She has a very cute butt. Did you ever notice? I talked her into
getting a tiny little tattoo of Yosemite Sam on her left ass cheek while
she was here, her first tattoo. Did she show you? She said that getting
a tattoo was such an incredible sexual turn-on for her that she might be
able to forgive your decades of sexual discord if you got matching tattoos
together.
Think about it,
=================
Moderator: Delete me if you want. If it's your choice, please tell me
whether you actually fell out of your chair laughing before you decided
that this post was inappropriate enough to justify my deletion. And for my
records -- I need to know if your ROTFL actually caused you physical injury.
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