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[AMPS] The Art of Collecting Many Large Amplifiers!

To: <amps@contesting.com>
Subject: [AMPS] The Art of Collecting Many Large Amplifiers!
From: k7fm@teleport.com (Colin Lamb)
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 09:53:03 -0700
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      THE ART OF COLLECTING MANY LARGE AMPS!

The information I am passing on is normally not listed in a public forum =
like this.  As a matter of fact, it is best not passed on at all but =
rather learned by watching and understanding experts.  I have learned =
this over decades. I have a large barn full of equipment and a 150 foot =
tower.  It is not the result of haphazard collecting, but rather the =
perfection of an art - all while happily married to the same wife.

You may have noticed that some amateurs have more than one large =
amplifier.  Although this message is not applicable to bachelors, it =
might be stored in the event marriage is in the future.  This is the =
information needed to be able to acquire more amplifiers than you could =
ever possibly use - the ultimate goal of a true amplifier man.

1.  Perhaps the single most important item is to understand how your =
wife's brain is constructed.  It has a large area which remembers even =
the minutest detail of your faults.  This section allows them to =
remember the time of day and location of every mistake you ever made, =
yet it remembers none of theirs.  A male brain has no such area, since =
that area is used for remembering sports trivia.  The secret to combat =
this is to keep a notebook of each mistake your wife makes.  Write it =
down.  Note time, place and persons present.  Look at this list =
frequently until memorized.  When your wife complains of a fault, you =
must be able to recite a fault of hers - not for the purpose of =
belittling her, but for proving that humans are less than perfect.  =
Also, you must write down each and every benefit of your collection and =
commit it to memory.=20

2.  Create a "ham fund".  This is a legitimate fund created with the =
savings from not golfing, not drinking beer with the boys and not =
carousing.

3.  At least once a year, find something in your collection of junk that =
helps fix something of hers.  Then, write it down.  I found some ball =
bearings which I used to fix my wife's vacuum cleaner on a weekend about =
10 years ago and still milk that.

4.  If the television breaks, take it out into the shack and tell your =
wife you will fix it.  After she goes to bed, take it out to the van and =
the next day take it to the television repair shop.  When it is fixed, =
pay for it with "ham" funds. Sneak it into the hamshack and then bring =
it into the house when your wife is present.  Proudly proclaim that you =
have fixed it with all of your test equipment.  Write it down in your =
book.

5.  Once a year, sell something you do not need on e-Bay.  Let your wife =
know you made a profit and give it to her.  Write it down.

6.  Once every 5 years arrange a vacation at some remote area of the =
world, using ham radio.  Let your wife know that your amplifier is =
necessary to arrange this vacation.  Leave the ham gear home and have a =
wonderful vacation.  Write it down.

7.  Talk your wife into getting a codeless tech - so she can keep in =
touch with you.  Then buy her a $700 radio out of joint funds, which she =
will not be able to use.  When she announces that it is too complicated =
to use, buy her a $25 radio at a swap meet.  She will be overjoyed and =
you will have a new toy paid without dipping into the "ham fund".  Write =
it down. The downside to this is that I am still trying to figure out =
how to use all the features of this radio and need the manual as a =
constant companion.  =20

8.   Remind your wife that your buddies spend their money on mistresses =
and golf.  Your amplifier collection does not allow you neither of those =
vices and you are determined to stay happily married because you do not =
have the time, energy or inclination to ever move the amplifiers.  The =
only way they will leave is at an estate sale. =20

9.  It is essential that you have so many amplifiers that your wife will =
not be able to tell when you get one or two more. =20

10.  Do not ever mention to your wife, or within your wife's hearing =
that your amplifier is absolutely reliable - which could cause her to =
question why you have so many.
=20
Religiously following these procedures allows me to receive up to 2 =
large packages in the same day with little more than a "more junk came =
for you today", or "don't you have enough stuff yet?".  Give your wife a =
kiss and tell her you love her.=20

If she ever notes a fault with your large collection, be prepared to =
recite a fault of hers.  Then, also recite a benefit of your collection. =
=20

Good Collecting,  K7FM, Colin =20

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------=_NextPart_000_0014_01BFE278.FB8036E0--


--
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