[CQ-Contest] The Chosen

[Ernie Walls]

Hi Hans KH0B.

Very well put, my friend. It covers almost everything that I, personally, hate about the 'contesting puritan' or, indeed, the 'operating puritan'.

I am not a contester, or even one of the great DX operators - I am one of those who, inevitably, do something, somewhere, to someone, that upsets them, whether they say anything or not. I do not mean to upset them - it's because I am just an average sort of ham, who thinks that it is a sensational hobby, indeed possibly the best hobby but, nonetheless, is never all that important in the real scheme of things. I think you will know what I am trying to say. 

I wish there was a list of those contesters who only want to experience the ' functionally perfect' contest QSO. A mate down here in VK3 has shown me how these could be assembled in a  text file within MixW which, when I operated MixW in any contest would enforce the program to ignore all those on that list (much the same as if you try to work a dupe - MixW tells you 'no' do not do it!) and they, and certainly I, would no doubt be much, much happier!

Of course, living in VK3 precludes me from even dreaming of a 476/hour rate for 96 hours straight, at about 45wpm from a straight key - much of the time I struggle to work anyone, anywhere for another precious point, so I probably really don't know what I am missing by not experiencing the 'functionally perfect' contest QSO.

Sigh!

Ernie Walls VK3FM
Vk3fm at wallsy.com.au
Mobile 0418 301 483

-----Original Message-----
From: CQ-Contest [mailto:cq-contest-bounces at contesting.com] On Behalf Of HH Brakob
Sent: Sunday, 20 December 2015 3:00 AM
To: CQ-Contest <cq-contest at contesting.com>
Subject: [CQ-Contest] The Chosen

Please Copy
The Wise Ones live in the depths of the D, E, and F-Layers, and in the servers at Contesting.com. They are the descendants of the Gods. I personally subscribe to the theory they are the children of Thor Heyerdahl, the Viking god of Thunder and Balsawood Raft Dxpeditions. But that's another story. 

The Wise Ones criticize everything that happens on the air and on this list, but they can't police every pileup or every reflector by themselves, so every morning, just before daylight over Katmandu, the Wise Ones select the "Mostest Intellegentest Contesters" in their layer and convey upon him the title INFLICTOR OF HIGHER MORAL HARANGUES. This title and its duties last until the following dawn on Bouvet, if someone is there to observe the sunrise. Otherwise your duties end when Riley Hollingsworth gets tired of your crap and sends his lawyers with a gag order. 

If you are ever chosen you will know because a representative of the Wise Ones will anoint your temples with oil from a forty year old bottle of Dr.
Guano, collected on Ocean Island by VR1L in 1963. For that day you will be known as The Chosen. Your duties will be to seek out those that don't do things the way you do them (in other words, the right way.) When you find them, it will be your duty to correct them. 

Think about it...too wide, too weak, too slow, too fast, what's your call dammit, wrong VFO, rotten fist, poor pileup control, wrong band, wrong zone, do not "please copy", wrong lingo, not enough green stamps, you're in the DX window, no-coders not allowed, coders suck, .... They're all yours. 

When you find these wayward ones, you will lumber onto their frequency, oronto their reflector thread, stand up in your operating chair and shout, I AM A BETTER CONTESTER THAN YOU, SHUT UP AND LISTEN. You will now have the wayward one's undivided attention. He will think about this very briefly, then yield to your superior intellect and contesting skill. He will be very receptive to your thoughts and point of view. Lecture him and proceed to the next wrongdoer. 

Now for the sad part of this tale. There are pretenders and charlatans out there who try to usurp the rightful powers of The Chosen. To you villainous few, I say beware. The Wise Ones also created BAWA (Baddest Ass Whats Around). No matter how bad you are, BAWA has the ability to be badder. You will know when you start your lecture and Bawa yells back, "You're a jerk, but I'm a bigger one. LET'S ESCALATE". 

And you will have no choice. 

But soon BAWA will tire of you and sink your little balsa boat. As you slip under the surface you will yell, "BUT I WAS RIGHT, DAMMIT" and you will once again prove the ancient mariners axiom -- AN OPEN MOUTH TAKES ON WATER. 

dit dit 

de Hans, K0HB



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