[CQ-Contest] Contest Season Preparations (Long)

[David Clemons]

	As you know, the contest season is about to begin in earnest.
	After deciding that this would be the year that I would win
	top honors, I looked over the past contest and towertalk
	reflectors to remind myself of what I should do to reach my
	goal.

	First, I did all my usual fall season preparations.  I removed
	all of my antennas so I could clean and polish them.  After I
	put them back up, I set my rotator to true north. 

	In order to get full legal output at my antennas, I decided to
	move the power amplifier to the top of my tower.  That, of course,
	was a bit challenging.  Part of the challenge was the weight
	involved, the rest of the challenge was working around the wasp
	nest that had been built since last year.  For those of you who
	decide to undertake this radical move, I'd very much advise that
	you pin the amplifier so it doesn't turn in the wind (otherwise
	there will be a noticeable phase shift.)

	Also, after deciding that this would be the year that I would
	operate 48 hours straight in CQWW, I began to get in training
	by staying up all night every night after work.  So far I've been
	up 5 days straight.  I figure I'll be in great shape by the weekend!
	My wife says I seem to be acting as though my thinmking processsez
	are sufferinf, but I theriously dout it.

	One of the great things about staying up all night are the
	educational TV shows you can see.  I was watching a few nights ago
	and I saw a commercial for a cell phone amplifier.  Now I don't have
	a cell phone, so losing calls in an elevator seldom concerns me.
	I had just about decided to listen up 1, when the advertisement got
	to the "But Wait!" part.  (You'll all remember that this is the
	exciting time when they not only offer this great item for $19.99,
	but they also throw in the kitchen sink if you call in the next
	10 minutes.)  Well, it seems like the throw-in item of the day was
	a "wave scrambler".  This nifty little gadget hooks onto your phone
	and "repels all those harmful rf waves away from your head".  At
	first I thought that this would be a great way to meet the new FCC RF
	Guidelines, but then I remembered that not only are handheld radios
	exempt, but I don't own one either.  (If a radio uses an antenna
	shorter than 24 feet, or the radio doesn't have cw output, it's
	not a radio anyway, right?)  Ah, but then I realized the ideal use
	for the wave scrambler.  If I put one on top of a tower, just under
	the antenna, then it makes sense that the operator is going to 
	experience reception nearly equivalent to that found during the
	biggest solar flare ever seen.  At this point I realized that I had
	found my secret weapon.  I immediately ordered 500 of the cell phone
	amplifiers, and then began installing the wave scramblers on all my
	competitors' towers.  (You'll know who you are during the contest!)

	Some might wonder why I would share this secret with anyone else?
	Why not?  Not only did the TV advertiser run out of these little
	wave scramblers, but I also figure the two dobermans tied to my
	tower will prevent a similar thing from happening to me.  (On the
	chance that the dogs don't deter other would be contest winners, the
	wasps up top will probably be successful, or the hawks who have been
	roosting on my antennas ever since I put up a plastic owl to keep
	birds away.....)

	So, I wish all of you good luck ...well, perhaps not all of you...
	in the upcoming contests.  By the way, if any of you are interested,
	I do have a few cell phone amplifiers for sale.  They are brand new,
	in the original packaging, with manuals, for only $19.99.

73, Dave Clemons K1VUT

Dave Clemons

dave at egh.com
Evans Griffiths & Hart, Inc.
55 Waltham Street, Lexington, MA 02421
(781)861-0670, (781)860-9321 (Fax)


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