[CQ-Contest] Assistance

[Kenneth E. Harker]

      So, a lot of contesters dislike using packet for assistance.
I figured I'd investigate the utility of another source of assistance
the "Meta-x doctor" feature of emacs:

     (emacs is a text editor, primarily found on UNIX systems.)

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I am the psychotherapist.  Please, describe your problems.  Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

Help!  I can't find a zone 34 station!

Why do you say you cannot find a zone 34 station?

My logging program says I still need to work Zone 34 on 40SSB...

What makes you believe still might want to work zone?

Zone 34?  Well, I want to work all of them.

How does it feel to want?

What does that mean?

Can you elaborate on that?

Look, this isn't being particularly helpful.  Do you know where SU9ZZ is
or what?

Earlier you said still would like to work zone?

Yes.  I need to work an SU or 5A or something.  And please hurry - it's
almost sunrise over there!

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

I was planning to work all the zones, but I can't find anyone on from
zone 34.

Is it because you cannot find anyone on from zone 34 that you came to
me?

Aarrgh!  Yes.

I see...  Well, are you sure that this is so?

Ah!  I'm running out of time!  Where are they?

Is it because of your life that you say where are they?

You're not helping me!

You mentioned that you would like to work all them?

All of the zones!  Must work all of the zones!

Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?

Yes, the multi-multi station manager is going to kill me if I can't
work a zone 34 station soon...

This is not a healthy way of thinking.

I'm getting an ulcer.  I've tuned up and down the band a dozen times.
I just can't find them!

Do you really think you just cannot find them?

I need your help.  I'm begging here...

What makes you think still would like to work zone?

It's important you lugnut.  We need to work as many zones as possible
to make a Big Score.  I'd like to work all of them.  I need to work
zone 34 before their sunrise!!!

Why should you get to work zone?

Are you saying I'm not worthy?

How do you reconcile problems at school?

School?  What are you talking about?

Is it because of any hobbies you have that you say what are I talking
about?

I'm working a ham radio contest, you moron!

Earlier you said you cannot find anyone on from zone 34?

yes!  Exactly!

I would appreciate it if you would continue.

huh?

Go on, don't be afraid.

I'm not afraid!  I am getting very frustrated, however.

I need a little more detail please.

Do you know where 5A1A is?  Or SU9ZZ?

Perhaps this has something to do with your sex life?

But, but...

You're being a bit brief, perhaps you could go into detail.

Detail about my sex life?

Are you afraid of sex?

What does this have to do with ham radio?

Why do you say that?

You're missing the point!

You mentioned that you would like to work all them?

You're not solving my problem.

Possibly hangups you have are related to this.

I wish I could hang you up, you useless bit pusher.

I don't understand.

I'm threatening you.  OK.  It's come to that.  If you can't
help me find SU9ZZ, I'll do really nasty things...

What makes you believe still would like to work zone?

Are you not afraid of me?

Are you sure that you are frightened by you?

No, no, no, no.  I want you to be afraid of me.  Aw, forget it, 
it's past sunrise in Cairo already.

Is it because of your inhibitions that you are going through all this?

I said forget it.

Do you really think you said forget it?

Yes.

Yes, hmmm... so, what makes you think this is so?

Oh no, the station manager has found me out.  He;'s dragging me from
the charirfkla;v  d sml'az    /,l mvdv

-- 
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Kenneth E. Harker      "Vox Clamantis in Deserto"      kharker at cs.utexas.edu
University of Texas at Austin                   Amateur Radio Callsign: WM5R
Department of the Computer Sciences      VP, Central Texas DX & Contest Club
Taylor Hall TAY 2.124                         Maintainer of Linux on Laptops
Austin, TX 78712-1188 USA            http://www.cs.utexas.edu/users/kharker/
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